#006 Child Prodigy to Adult Failure: The Most Common AuDHD Villain Origin Story
When support from adults stop when they want children to become more independent, neurodivergent children loose accommodation and are labeled "unruly" instead of dysregulated.
As a kid, everything was easy for me—routines, homework, projects, and taking care of myself.
I was the cousin you’d compare others to.
As I got older and was “rewarded” with more freedom, everything fell apart.
I started struggling; I was used to having someone make sure I did what I should. My parents had routines for me to follow; my teachers gave me a weekly plan with all the homework I had to do and when it was due; my Mum chose my outfits, made me breakfast, and hid my sandals during winter so I wore the correct shoes when she knew it had been snowing.
Someone was always there to make sure I did what I was supposed to do, and the praise I got came from being obedient. I wasn’t capable, productive, or self-sufficient; I just did as told.
When my parents stopped enforcing a routine on me, my inability to maintain one on my own became rebellion.
I didn’t know what to do, when to do it, or how to get started. I didn’t understand what to prioritize or how to keep an overview of all the tasks I had to do on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis.
I knew nothing because nobody had explicitly told me. They’d just enforced rules and routines for me to follow, thinking I’d automatically stick to them when they stopped checking in on me.
No communication.
It went from someone managing me and making sure I stuck to the plan to all the responsibility suddenly being dropped on my head, with no gradual transition, preparation, or conversation.
I needed a reason, but as a kid, when my parents would take away my toys and get out my books so I could do my homework, I just thought that’s what parents do. It happened to all my classmates, and our teachers did the same during kindergarten and elementary school.
When the routines became less rigid, I stopped; I didn’t think of doing it to myself. Why would I?
I had to plan things, prepare for activities, remember things, and take care of myself on my own; nobody reminded me that it had been a long time since my last shower, or that I’d been wearing the same sweater for a week and needed to change.
Nobody was managing my most difficult symptom: forgetfulness and disorganization.
I started misplacing my jackets, losing school supplies, and ruining perfectly good shoes because I forgot to put them to dry after they got wet playing in the snow. I would forget my lunch in my backpack on Friday evening, and my Mum would find mold on Monday morning.
To them, I was going insane, doing this on purpose, and being a nightmare.
When I went from being perfect to chaotic, everyone around me thought I was going insane because of the little independence I’d finally gotten, but from my perspective, I was stressed out, overwhelmed, unregulated, and scared. Everything around me suddenly fell apart, and I didn’t understand why the adults around me weren’t helping me anymore.
In my eyes, I hadn’t gotten any freedom; it felt like I was being punished.
Good evening to all my overthinkers!
In this issue, we discuss why some neurodivergent children go from functioning fine in childhood to struggling in their teens and eventually end up disabled by their neurodivergence in adulthood.
Overthinking Hours is best when read on the app or desktop.
TW: This issue contains threats of physical harm, discrimination, ableism, mentions of autistic people’s mistreatment during WW2, bullying, mentions of suicide, and self-harm.
Pushing Children Despite Negative Reactions
My mom used to brag to everyone that I was extremely independent as a kid. She would tell them about the time she woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and found me there, doing my business and washing my hands all by myself at 2 years old.
She used that story to explain to others why she’d known for a very long time I’d be very smart. In kindergarten, I caught on before everyone else. I remembered everything the first time it was mentioned to me, while the other kids, as they should, took some time to catch on.
Because they noticed I caught on immediately, they started routinely putting me with the older kids so I could “be challenged”.
I remember being extremely stressed out, having meltdowns, and refusing to learn because everything suddenly felt so difficult. I didn’t want anything to do with it.
They thought I needed some time to adjust and continued to put me with the older kids to learn “things more up my alley”. I did eventually adjust, but little did I know that the cause of the adjustment was me slowly withering away.
Every single time I rushed through worksheets, books, or any tasks, they saw someone who was very capable, not a neurodivergent child who just wanted to get something done right here, right now.
They misunderstood my hyperfocus as more capable than other kids' and my sharp memory as more intelligent, as if I were someone in need of something more challenging. In reality, I was just neurodivergent with a sharp memory and the ability to hyperfocus, and that’s it. Nothing extraordinary here.
I never said it was easy, that I was bored, or that I wanted to do something else. Adults around me assumed, and throughout my whole life, issues were always caused by allistic people who assumed the best or the worst and refused to ask any questions.
As the years went on, I slowly adjusted to everything I was forced into, but I also started forgetting things I’d learned just last week or the month before. In the moment, I had no difficulty remembering and learning what was right in front of me, but with every autumn break, winter break, spring break, etc., I came back not remembering anything.
I had started regressing.
The worst part is that instead of the adults around me understanding that something was wrong, I got put in detention, yelled at, and accused of playing dumb.
Allistic People’s Worst Ableist Habit
Being forgetful is “dumb,” and having an excellent memory is “intelligent”. Neurotypicals choose behaviors and box them based on whether they like them or not; a behavior can’t just be what it is. I can’t simply be forgetful; they have to find a reason as to why I am acting a certain way and box it based on how it makes them feel.
Allistic people focus solely on their own feelings and experiences. If something annoys them, it is simply annoying. My being forgetful becomes me rebelling, and instead of being something I struggle with, it becomes another label for me to wear based on someone else’s reaction to my symptom.
Instead of simply being forgetful, I’m too much of an inconsiderate, etc. They turn it around and make it about themselves or how it affects others, or make others feel, without thinking about how I felt, constantly forgetting things, being confused, struggling to function because I have no idea what’s going on.
Neurotypicals don’t put themselves in others' shoes unless they’re forced to, or until it’s too late. Nobody will change my mind; allistic people were always the problem when I grew up.
Ableism From “Trusted Adults”
The constant accusations of being lazy, rebellious, and ungrateful over several years led to depression and anxiety.
From my experience, adults never ask or try to find out why something is happening; they just label it as negative and demand you stop, or they label it positive and force you to do it more.
No regard for your needs and wants.
Behaviors labeled negative include…
difficulties concentrating,
being distracted,
not understanding something,
asking questions at every stage,
asking the same question again and again for clarification,
refusing to work because of overwhelm,
struggling to transition from one task to another,
refusing to do something,
not wanting to stop when starting something,
sleeping through alarms,
not starting something immediately after being told to do so,
procrastinating,
leaving the room when overstimulated, and so much more!
Notice how they’re all linked to dysregulation, overwhelm, and common neurodivergent behaviors?
I can’t remember ever being asked if I was okay. Every time I exhibited any of the behaviors mentioned above, they decided it was intentional. No exceptions. There was no empathy, because when someone goes from being perfect to a complete mess, they must do it on purpose, right? How does that make any sense?
Being misunderstood, villainized, accused, and blamed while being emotional, confused, and overwhelmed in the middle of puberty made me suicidal. I won’t sugarcoat it.
I was extra overstimulated when I got my period, in constant pain as my limbs grew, and extra emotional. I cried a lot when I was bullied or excluded, when I heard new rumors. On top of that, I would be blamed for something I hadn’t done for the third time that week.
The worst part was that the other kids, who already disliked me, could blame me for anything, and I wouldn’t even be asked whether I did it; I would be blamed and punished immediately, no questions asked.
At some point, I found out I was the only one who had to stay behind after school to do homework. Nobody else was told to do so, and many kids never did their homework because it was optional.
What the actual fuck? Why was I mistreated, forced to stay behind? Why only me?
All these years, it was optional? Why were my choices purposefully taken away?
I sat in that classroom for hours alone, thinking everyone else had done their homework, and I had to be stupid, lazy, and useless for not being able to do what everyone else did. Turns out 80% of the kids never did their homework, only I was punished.
I don’t want to go into too much detail, but throughout 2011-2016, I was suicidal, self-harming, and had plans to end my life because what was the point when nobody wanted to understand or even give me a chance to explain?
In 5th grade, my "best friend” and biggest bully got pissed off at me because our chairs were stuck together. Not my fault. Our teachers still grabbed me and told me, “You’ve been so disrespectful today,” for something I didn’t do, as if I designed the chairs that way.
In 6th grade, my teachers forced me to confess that someone else was doing my homework. It wasn’t true. I admitted to it because she’d already decided on the answer; it didn’t matter if it was true or not. I said no several times, and she wouldn’t let me go until I admitted it almost half an hour later.
In 7th grade, everyone was told to make a choice, but my teachers took me to the side and told me I could do better than pick the easiest choice, forced me to pick the most difficult option available, and then did nothing to help as I struggled through French for the next five years.
I was 13 years old, not understanding why I was punished over and over again. And as I keep saying, I know that it was because every single fucking adult around me had decided on a narrative.
They didn’t give a fuck what was actually going on. They decided they knew. They punished me for no reason, forced me to do things they meant were best when it was actually eating at me, and punished me for behaviors and reactions to bullying, lies, physical violence, and to protect myself.
People can keep telling me I need to take accountability for what I did, but I don’t care. The only thing I did was be neurodivergent, surrounded by ableist and racist people. Would I have been treated the same if I were a white man?
The Tower Crumbles
We become more disabled after years and years of being pushed because we aren’t supposed to push neurodivergent kids through discomfort, stress, and meltdowns.
Hell, we aren’t supposed to disrespect any children’s boundaries at all.
Those reactions, such as crying, melting down, anger, sadness, and stress, are telling you that we are not okay. Don’t force us through it anyway. It’ll lead to regression, meaning autistic children will lose already acquired skills in socialization and self-regulation, such as speaking and problem-solving, and even skills acquired over the years in hobbies and information on their own special interests.
In this situation, we need to talk about consent and the constant disrespect for the bodily autonomy of autistic and ADHD children.
If you can give the child a good reason to do something, ask if they want to try, and let them know they can back out and continue with what’s familiar, you’ll come a long way.
But at the same time, many AuDHD people are diagnosed too late, so we won’t know how to push them if the neurodivergence hasn’t been made clear.
And on the topic of boundaries and not forcing or pushing any children, we land on adults consistently ignoring children’s asks and wants, and clear nos and signs of distress when being forced into something.
The clear power imbalance between the adult and the child causes even more distress, as does the misconception that adults are protectors and the fact that the child is too young to know what boundaries are or to understand what’s happening to them—they are being disrespected, and their boundaries are being broken.
Years and years of having their choices taken away create neurodivergent people who can’t function. Do I need to shower, or do I want to shower?
Am I struggling with ADHD paralysis, or is my nervous system purposefully refusing to do anything to feel a sense of control over its body for the first time in a while?
Summary: Allistic Adults Still Make Choices Thinking They Can Fix Us
It’s all so clear to me that we were never gifted, or extraordinary, or whatever people want to call it. Adults had specific plans for us, rules, and schedules, and we followed them because we were too young to question.
Our praise and the label "gifted” were given because we followed orders. Because we were obedient in a capitalistic and patriarchal world. Easy to mend and control, until our boundaries are disrespected. Then we are the problem.
It’s clearly a way to groom “high-functioning” neurodivergent people to use their advantages for capitalist reasons. But the truth is, the majority of autistic and/or ADHD people are not Sheldon Cooper, Dr. Murphy, Woo Young Woo, etc. We’re not doctors, lawyers, or scientists. Every single neurodivergent person I know is creative, giving back, or in entertainment.
They’re tattoo artists, photographers, standup comedians, painters, writers, filmmakers, singers, nomads, and so much more that don’t directly contribute to patriarchy or capitalism.
They’re nurses in wheelchairs and glitter on their eyelids, part-time nail technicians, bassists in four bands, all with different genres, baristas with blue hair, and librarians with colorful glasses and septums.
Autism level one used to be called Asperger’s, and is often referred to as “high functioning”, but from my perspective, the only reasons we differ from high functioning to low are that we can talk and can mask away ourselves.
I genuinely feel like I was being taught to erase my neurodivergence to act like everyone else all throughout school.
Hans Asperger: The Aftermath of “High Potential Autistics”
Was he or was he not a Nazi, ableist, and meant neurodivergent kids were unworthy of life?
Some may say no, but I believe he was, and here are my reasons.
His career was successful in Nazi Vienna, and for that, I am wondering, if he wasn’t buddy-buddy with the Nazi’s, why was he so successful that the whole neurodivergent world, modern psychologists and psychiatrists know his name, and he even has a diagnosis named after him?
Unfortunately, white men throughout history, no matter how successful, iconic, or loved, almost always turn out to be extremely problematic, whether it’s racism, abuse, misogyny, or pedophilia. So I decided to do some research and get to the bottom of it.
In 2002, a German educator, Dr. Brita Schrimer, analyzed Hans Asperger’s role during the Nazi era and argued, based on her findings in his publications, that he defended autistic children against Nazi Eugenics. Well, that’s good, right? Except he only defended autistic people with high potential.
In 2003, Helmut Gröger, citing 23 of Asperger’s publications, concluded that Asperger avoided topics touching race ideology. He credited Asperger with advocating on behalf of his patients, defending their value as human beings, and caring for and loving them all.
But, Gröger also mentioned that Asperger's name appears in the files of a 3-year-old with mental deficiencies who was sent to the child euthanasia clinic in Spielgredrun in Vienna. That little girl was, in fact, transferred with Asperger’s authority, dying there within 2 months.
In 2018, Herwig Czech, an Austrian medical historian, shared groundbreaking research that altered the historical understanding of Hans Asperger.
Czech’s findings presented evidence that Asperger was not innocent during the Nazi era, but actively collaborated with the regime and its euthanasia programs.
He revealed that Asperger accommodated himself to the nazi regime, joined affiliated programs, and his loyalty was rewarded with career opportunities.
Asperges transferred patients, even children, to the Am Spiegelgrund clinic in Vienna, where 789 children were killed as part of the Nazi euthanasia program.
Czech referred to specific files, for instance, one in which a 2-year-old girl, Herta Scheiber, was labeled an “unmanageable burden” and recommended for transfer to Am Spiegelgrund.
Asperger publicyly legitimsd nazi race hygiene policies, including forced sterilization, which often led to the killing programs.
It was also noted that Asperger was harsher in his diagnostic assessments of children than the staff at the killing facility, using terms such as “autistic psychopaths,” for instance.
Until recent years, Asperger had put down a very sturdy hero narrative, painting himself as an opponent of the Nazis and protector of children. But Czech’s works showed that Asperger only protected the children he considered “high functioning” and had no problem sending those he considered “non-educable” for systematic murder.
I agree with Czech when he argued that Asperger's contribution to conceptualizing autism was important, but it is linked to troubling, horrific, and extremely ableist origins, and we must view Asperger for what he is.
From my knowledge, lots of countries don’t use the term “Asperger syndrome” anymore, even though that is the diagnosis I ended up with in 2025 in Norway.
I’m sure the reasons I got pushed for my “positive” characteristics as a kid were because of the narrative created about autism level one during WW2, with the same mindset on coloured people during slaverey in America: they can be whitened, humanized, fixed …
That we can be mended and “corrected” and as I continue reading stories from other neurodivergent people, I realize even though most of them don’t call it Asperger’s anymore, they still treat us like we can “become better”.
Not better at regulating ourselves, accepting our diagnosis, knowing our limits, but better at fitting in, making allitic people comfortable, and masking so others don’t have to accommodate us.
After all those years I was tortured by teachers, psychologists, and employers, I stand here now feeling like they stole 10 years' worth of spoons, and I don’t know what to do with myself.
We’re Not Disabled, Society Is
The more I reflect on my experiences with neurodivergence and chronic illnesses, the more I realize there are clear ways for us to function in society, but the systems already set in place won’t let us.
Racism, colorism, slavery, ableism, discrimination, and all other issues were never solved. They were simply called bad, but now people continue enforcing these mindsets behind closed doors.
They use natural selection as a reason for ableism, racism still travels down generation by word of mouth and attitude, and men are finding ways to rape their own wives in secrecy.
The workers making our garments are slaves; we don’t call them that.
There are children in caves mining mica in regions such as Jharkhand, India, and southern Madagascar because adults can’t fit in the caves, but people still say child labor is illegal and an issue. In countries where it is illegal, it doesn’t matter when mothers force their 8-year-olds to perform on social media to make money from exploitation, abuse, and guilt trips.
Nothing’s changed; the perpetrator got smarter and more skilled at hiding their true intention.
Even in 2026, I will still meet grown people who tell me I can’t be autistic because it’s a diagnosis for young boys. I have educated doctors who tell me POTS is extremely rare, even though it's not; but it does more commonly affect female anatomy and neurodivergent people. Despite having all the symptoms, they refuse to refer me to a cardiologist because of the lie that it’s very rare.
Employers will say, «Apply no matter your ethnicity, sexuality, education level, or skin color. For disabled candidates, we will make the correct accommodation!»
But the moment you mention any diagnosis or disability in the interview, their face turns stiff and serious, and two weeks later, they send you an email about continuing the process with the other candidates. They never mention why, but you already know why.
Dear overthinker, your life isn’t difficult because of your diagnosis; it's difficult because all systems, work models, buildings, public places, and even social rules were created and slowly developed whilst people were openly and actively on a daily basis, without having to gaslight, being discriminatory, and bigoted.
It's so easy to have compassion and not be a bigot, but when most people believe it’s too difficult to think rationally and be skeptical, of course, people stay bigots and continue sending their offspring into the world with the same mindset.
There's nothing wrong with you, dear overthinker; it's the world that’s flawed.
Thank you so much for reading Overthinking Hours!
If you enjoyed this issue, please leave a comment with your thoughts, perspectives, and experiences, share with someone it might benefit, and don’t forget to subscribe to Overthinking Hours if you aren’t already to get every future issue directly to your inbox!
This is a common experience for gifted children who go under the radar. I was never gifted but understood the challenges they faced.